Roseanne, Australians, and King Kong

Friends,
I am ashamed at the depth of my selfishness. For quite some time now, I have known that the world would be a much better place if only the inner workings of my mind could somehow be displayed for all to see. I have also known that the internet could be just the template I need to share this beautiful knowledge with the outside world. Yet I have failed to act. Like a liberal in Congress, I sat around picking my nose and criticizing the arguments of political adversaries while offering no meaningful solutions to the world's problems myself. This has gone on for quite a while...I believe Al Gore invented the internet something like 20 years ago.
Tonight, the stars have aligned and I have decided to take the technological plunge into Bloggerdom (read: The Nerdery.)

I will use this site to post my thoughts (read: your-soon-to-be-beliefs) on one particular political or social issue at a time, but since Christmastime has put me in the spirit of giving, and since there is a lot to talk about, I am going to break this site in with some Random Nuggets of Wisdom.

-I saw Roseanne Barr on the Jimmy Kimmel Show tonight. She was plugging her political comedy tour, a portion of which served as the opening act for Michael Moore's college tour. I thought it was nice of her to hop off of the Empire State Building for a minute to talk with Jimmy. Seriously though, she is a large destructive primate.

-I have jumped on the FairTax bandwagon like a Georgia fan on a Mark Richt blowup doll.

-My prediction for the next presidential election year...2008: New Eagle Head Coach Brian VanGorder, or "Baby Erk" as we call him in Statesboro, is going to give Georgia hell.

-Saying that you completely support the troops but not the mission is like saying that you love marching bands but hate instruments and watching nerds walk around in circles.

-The Braves will more than likely lose the division to the Mets this year. I will still invest hundreds of hours of my life and drink thousands of beers watching them fall from grace, but with a hopeful heart all the while. It's fun to have no expectations other than watching baseball and drinking col'beer.

-Speaking of drunks with no expectations, working in a grocery store can be such a slap in the face sometimes (ok, it's a slap in the face all the time, but stay with me here). There is nothing like watching people pay for steaks and Heineken with Food Stamps while you are working. I had an epiphany after watching that very thing happen yesterday. I've been working 40 hours a week, and taking home about 30 hours pay. The other 10 hours of my wages were spent on steaks and Heineken for people I have never met (and do not want to, by the way) while I come home to Milwaukee's Best Light and bologona .'Cuz my paychecks they have a way, of forcing me to eat b-o-l-o-g-n-a.

-This summer I met an Australian exchange student. Naturally, I asked him all of the obnoxious questions that I normally reserve for foreigners, and here's what I found:
1. Kangaroos ARE as common down under as Captain Kangaroo would have you believe.
2. They refer to their backyards as "out back" with minimal confusion. Shocking.
3. Foster's...American for bullshit. Aussies have never heard of it.
4. To his knowledge, no one has ever held up a bank with a boomerang.
5. People outside of the crocodile hunting profession do not use the expression, "Crikey!"
6. When asked about the general perception of Canada at his remote corner of the world, he replied, "haha, you mean America's 51st state?!?". This comment earned my Australian friend several free beers, freedom from further questioning, and a lifelong ally across the pond.

Tomorrow: Why the FairTax will work for you, for me, and for America.